If you have a good bicycle joke you want to submit send it by email to David.

March 14, 2007 (submitted by Fletcher)
"I've really had it with my dog: he'll chase anyone on a bicycle."
"So what are you going to do - leave him in his dog's house? Give him away? Sell him?"
"No, nothing that drastic. I think I'll just confiscate his bike."

September 13, 2006 (submitted by Fletcher)
Why can't a bicycle stand up on its own?
Because it is two tired.

August 27, 2006 (submitted by Pete)
At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot died.
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, Senor, that's the one."
That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird." "What did he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat, Senor Rod"
"Rotten meat? Who fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Senor Rod."
"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
"Si Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor"
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle??!!!
"Si Senor Rod."
"But there's electricity at the house!!! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Senor Rod."
WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?
"Your wife's, Senor Rod.   She showed up in the garage one night out of the blue.   I thought she was a thief and all I could do was throw your Trek 7200 bike at her".
SILENCE................... , LONG SILENCE...
"Ernesto, if you broke that bike, you're in deep trouble".

August 15, 2006 (Submitted by Diane)
Three Bikers were all applying for the last available position on the Paint Creek Trail bike patrol. The supervisor conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be on the PCT patrol, huh?"  The bikers all nodded.

The supervisor got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said,  "To be on the PCT patrol, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things about the people on the trails such as the bicycles they ride or distinguishing features and oddities such as scars they may have and so forth."  So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first biker and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The biker immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"  The supervisor shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The first biker hung his head and walked out of the office. The supervisor then turned to the second biker, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"  "Yes! He only has one ear!"

The supervisor put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other guy? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!"  The second biker sheepishly walked out of the office.

The supervisor turned his attention to the third and last biker and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but......" He flashed the photo in his face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying,  "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"  The biker said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."

The supervisor frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the biker  with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts!  How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The biker rolled his eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."

July 27, 2006 (submitted by Pete)
A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one hell of a hurry! I have two buddies waiting for me to go on a bike ride. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We are riding at 10:00am and it's 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"   The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain." So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and show him."

July 18, 2006 (submitted by David)
A tandem rider is stopped by a police car.  "What've I done, officer?" asks the rider.
"Perhaps you didn't notice sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back . . ."
"Oh, thank God for that," says the rider - "I thought I'd gone deaf!"